getting ready

you know when it rains it pours.  it’s pouring on east 52nd street today even though it’s 79 degrees and sunny outside.

i’m getting   trying to get my apartment ready for a visitor who is arriving tomorrow for one week.   the rain began last night when i attempted to connect a digital converter to the tv so that my guest can watch at least the basic channels. no can do.

ivan has developed a leak.  a big leak.  he is 98 in people years and i guess these things happen – but still . . .  i have ordered doggie diapers with money i don’t have, and should receive the diapers on saturday.  in the mean time, i have throw rugs on top of blankets covering every square inch of floor space to protect the rugs and flooring. all of these rugs and blankets need to be washed everyday at $7.00 per load.

then the dishwasher overflowed and flooded the entire kitchen.  there was so much water, i had to use my bath towels to stop it from running out into the living room.  since i now have massive amounts of laundry to do, i took the shower curtain & liner down and threw it in the laundry bag along with all of the pee soaked floor rugs.

upon returning home from my early walk with ivan, there was an irate tenant in the lobby who looked me right in the eyes and yelled, “i hate this building!”  when i asked what was going on, she replied, “i have a huge meeting at work today and the water is coming out black. i can’t shower and i have to go out and look for a place to brush my teeth!”

it is now 12:49 in the afternoon and i have not yet brushed my teeth, showered or begun the 5 loads of laundry i have contained in a hefty bag, growing mildew, in my living room.  i cannot clean the bathroom or the kitchen until i have clean water. 

“hi, welcome to my dirty apartment.  i hope you won’t need to shower this week because the shower curtain and bath towels are in that bag over there.  cooking and television will not be available options during your stay either.  please come in . . . .”

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Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.
 ~ Lily Tomlin 

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gotta love it to live it!

it’s true – you really have to have a huge love for nyc to put up with some of the hindrences.  unless of course you’re a gazillionaire – which is on my list of things to become before i die.

in the city it is not unusual for people to live in a glorified closet, and for that, the rental ad may read something like this: “giant one bedroom with huge closets! completely renovated in great neighborhood and rent stabilized – pets OK. $2,048.00 ”

they will never mention that it is really just one small room with a bathroom that you cannot use if you want to shut the door.  and the ad will never reference the roaches. ellen degeneres once did a show from nyc  and interviewed people who live in very small ny apartments. one girl told ellen that she could cook food on the stove while sitting on the toilet. she probably answered an ad like the one above.

on the internet you can look up reviews for specific buildings or management companies.  here is one right from a building just 4 doors down the block from my old place on e. 73rd st:

416 East 73rd Street:

This gem of an old-school New York tenement has it all !

here are the comments to this ad from some people who live in the building:

? Totally unpredictable hot water!!!
Enjoy creating exciting new and interesting shower choreography as you dance around and away from the sometimes-steady stream of “scalding-no-freezing-no-lukewarm-no-freezing-no-scalding” water. Fun for the whole family!

? Thoroughly unreliable heat!!!
Imagine the thrill of purchasing extra blankets AND a space heater just to make it through the night!

? Regular building-wide power outages!!!
No tenant should ever have to settle for the boredom of predictable electrical service — Enjoy your status as a frequent shopper at the candle store. BONUS: Pleasure abounds especially for the home-based businessperson looking for some variety (or a sponatneous break!) in the working day.

? Missing super!!!
Tenants benefit from a dedicated superintendent who maintains a slum-level professional demeanor while managing to not actually live on the premises or be available for city inspectors.

? Mold in the front hallway!!!
For those who think that they don’t have the time or energy to keep a houseplant, this building has you covered. Offering one (1) major leak per six (6) -month period, as well as the requisite “plaster and paint only when the city is called” service, residents enjoy a daily fix for their flora fetish. Just walk on in and “get-your-plant-on!”

? Loose tiles on the stairways!!!
Living on the edge requires total investment. Show your commitment to the cause by bringing a friend along to guide you as you carry your laundry down the stairs. Fun social time and good training — for your friend’s lookout skills as well as for your own ability to roll-through a fall!

? Faulty Front-Door Buzzer!!!
If you are the type who just loves to exasperate delivery people, a special treat — It can take upwards of four (4) attempts to buzz-in. Imagine their frustration as they HEAR the buzzer but don’t actually experience the OPENING of the door!

? Unmarked Floors!!!
Thrill to the confused sounds of your guests (or firemen, or emergency workers) as they overshoot your floor because it’s not marked! Floors are denoted with a letter, apartments with a number — “1F” would denote a sixth-floor apartment. It’s fun to play “Guess-which-floor-we’re-on”!

? Filthy floors!!!
It’s a known fact that peeling paint in hallways is much less distracting when it is not reflected in a too-shiny floor.

? Overflowing Trash Area!!!
Recycling is blissfully ignored in the common area — Tenants enjoy poor markings and unclear delineations for all types of materials to be recycled. Trashcans are left regularly to spill over — We take pride in our refuse in this building and we like to display it on the street!

response to above review:
Funny…. but sadly it’s true. I feel sorry for the lost delivery boys! How about the padlock on the basement door to keep the city inspectors out? Makes you wonder what is being hidden down there besides a boiler that doesn’t work properly!  At least the mice that frolick in the rubish in front of the building are being well fed.

read here

if your not from the city and you’re just not sure you believe this is really true, have a look at this video.
youtube video

still, i love it.

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”I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.”
– W. C. Fields

(i actually know some very cool peeps in philly – but this quote made me laugh so hard i just had to use it – sorry april!)