better now

7:30 am sitting on the couch just trying to recall the last time i saw the sun, i check facebook.  there is a post from my cousin.  she lives in ireland with her man and six children.   yes, 6.  she posted this:

“7 am Rowan wee’s his bed, 9am charlie pukes on the stairs (the only carpeted area in the house) 10am jude shits in his pants and still hot water not working, oh and the broken car window.”

i feel better now.  thanks jeanne.  🙂

*

“Reality is the #1 cause of insanity among those who are in contact with it”
– unknown

real time

the universe is speaking to me in a code i cannot decipher.  i know it is.

i was asked to give the talk at dharma service tomorrow.  for the last several days i’ve been rolling ideas around in my head on what i will speak about. nothing is real, everything is an illusion, time is an illusion – all been said before – over & over.  but really, when you think about it , what has the buddha said lately?  there’s not too much news as far as i can tell.   i even checked the dalai lama’s facebook page for ideas but he’e pretty well claimed the market of talks on compassion.  i wonder if he really posts all those things on facebook himself, or if that task is delegated to some junior monk  in training.

anyway, ‘ time’  . . .  time keeps coming up for me.  and i keep feeling like i am running out of time to write this talk – which is freaking me out a little bit and instead of just writing it, i keep picturing myself nervously standing up at the podium, sweating profusely in front of the entire sangha with absolutely nothing to say.  there is no such thing as time? buddhists believe that time is an illusion. if that’s true, then how come i’m not living back in the city?   i thought it was taking time to save funds for the move.  so if there is no such thing as time, where is the money and the apartment  – –  and the husband for that matter.  i was sure it was all a matter of time.  i guess all of this could translate into a talk on patience but as sure as i know anything, i know i am not qualified to give a talk on patience.

apparently i live in a world of illusion and the universe is trying to tell me so. yesterday when i woke up i went to the living room to practice my morning meditation as usual.   the clock on my cable box said 186.   at this moment, the clock on my cable box says it’s  1000.  (no joke).

maybe time really is an illusion.

*

“She had a big coat with pockets she filled with crackers & cheese & little wrapped chocolates in case (she said) she ever got trapped too far from a convenience store. I don’t take civilization for granted, she said.
– Storypeople