lock the front door

The White House’s new security plan: Lock the front door

every time i see a headline like this i wish i worked at the new york post.  it has to be fun . . . .   seriously though, if the peeps in dc need some high level security tips, i suggest they just spend the week in nyc during the general assembly – which happens to be this week.

i’ve been out sniper seeking with my zoom lens since saturday and haven’t seen 1 sniper.  these guys are good.

i’m not sure what the mission of these people is, but they are scattered about the sidewalks near the united nations building.  they look like they have bombs strapped all over themselves and i have to believe this would  effectively keep people from trying to break in to the white house.

they do not like having their pictures taken either.

another effective tactic used by the diplomats to keep people away, is extreme noise.  i’m sure they do it on purpose so it must have something to do with their country’s security operations.  wherever a foreign diplomat decides to go, he is preceded by and followed by, an entourage of black suburbans with lights flashing and very loud sirens.  this goes on all day long.  entourages en route to the u.n. for morning meetings, entourages at lunchtime, entourages escorting their diplomat back to the hotel after daily sessions, and entourages chauffeuring diplomats all around town for dinner and nightly entertainment – all with excruciatingly loud sirens.  i believe the strategy here is simple sleep deprivation.  i know because i live just 3 blocks up first avenue from the united nations and i am just too tired to consider jumping the fence and breaking in the front door.

during the week of the general assembly there is no parking either.  every street in the neighborhood is lined with signs like this:

if you live between 40th and 55th streets from the east river over to third avenue, you may not be able to go home if there happens to be a diplomat having a meeting, a meal or a cocktail on your street.  on each corner are stationed between 6 – 12 very young rookie cops, whose mission it is to question people to death and check i.d.’s before letting them step foot onto their own block to go home after a long day at work.  i’ve noticed that if you are 20 something, female and beautiful, the young rookie cops will hold you up for twice the amount of time than they detain others.  just an observation that probably has nothing to do with security.

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 I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It’s not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It’s the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is ‘Delete.’
 ~ Elayne Boosler

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have you seen penelope?

 

in the event you were planning a vacation to the city, you may want to re-think your travel plans – or at least stay on top of this story from the post . . . . .

 

Pregnant tarantula on the loose in Park Slope

Help, my giant poisonous spider is missing — and she’s pregnant!

A hairy Mexican red rump tarantula named Penelope is on the loose in Park Slope. . . . “She’s mostly active at night and she tends to hide in dark corners,” . . . On the sign, the pet owner asks whoever finds her to put her in a “tupperware bowl” with holes, so she can breathe.

 

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When you seek it, you cannot find it.
 ~ Zen Proverb

 

 

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why is the asparagus bleeding?

just a few weeks ago i told you the story of joe, the 96 year old man who got sick after eating his birthday cake which had a rat baked right into it.   i will try to limit the number of disturbing posts like that, but i will need a little help from the food industry . . . .

today, the ny post reported the story of robin.  robin ordered a salad for lunch from guy & gallard on west 40th street.  in her own words, here’s what she got in her salad:

“It was the craziest thing,” she said. “After a few bites, I look down at my fork, and think, ‘Oh, is that a piece of asparagus?’And then I saw that it had eyes, and an arm.”

the post reported,

Sandusky repackaged the head with the salad and sent it back to the deli, which promptly gave her a refund.

it’s good to know she got her money back.

i’ve spent the day wondering if she simply saw the lizard, or actually stabbed it with her fork.

“Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.”
~ Paramahansa Yogananda

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warning! this is truly disturbing . . . .

 

this is joe:

and this is his story as reported by the ny post:

Joseph Vallenti celebrated his 96th birthday with a big slice of his favorite apple strudel cake, but there was one filling he didn’t count on — a rat.

“Something isn’t right,” family members recall the Commack man saying after tucking into the store-baked “Signature Series” cake from King Kullen supermarket.

Vallenti fell ill with stomach pains and diarrhea. So Neil Gold, who is dating Vallenti’s niece and lives with the victim, investigated the remaining cake — and allegedly found a five-inch-long rat’s tail still attached to the rodent’s hindquarters.

“I saw . . . something sticking out,” Gold said Friday after bringing the allegedly infested strudel to the law offices of his friend, attorney Ed Yule.
“I flipped it over and saw the whole tail bleeding into the cake.”

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i am truly at a loss for words. 

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“Some days there won’t be a song in your heart. Sing anyway.”
 ~ Emory Austin

 

how to pick a mayor in the city

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They’ll drink to that! Dem mayoral candidates vow to let New Yorkers swill beer on their stoops

They’ll drink to that!

Booze lovers are toasting the Democratic mayoral candidates, who say almost unanimously that if elected they’ll let New Yorkers swill a beer on their stoops.

When asked the question in the “lightning round” at Wednesday’s Democratic mayoral debate, all the candidates — except Erick Salgado, a minister — said city residents should be able to drink a beer on their stoops.

“I should be able to drink ’em in a park and at the beach, too,” Anthony Weiner added.

“oy vey”
 ~ cags 

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place your bet here!

the bidding will begin at 3 million dollars,  but i suspect it will fetch much more  –  what do you think?

the original schindler’s list (the real list, not the movie!)  is for sale on e-bay.

i bet someone will be willing to pay 10 million for it.   place your bet in the comment box below.  

and the winner gets   . . . .  (insert  drum-roll here ) . . .

 to be right!

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“The List is Life.”, Schindler’s List” 
― Thomas Keneally, Schindler’s List

hurry! bidding has begun!!

It’s the creepy alternative to a beach cooler.

The state Office of Mental Health is selling a morgue refrigerator from a Manhattan psychiatric ward on eBay — calling it “used” but “in good condition.”

The bizarre ad lists the huge silver appliance, equipped with four doors for body storage, as having “signs of cosmetic wear” but being “fully operational.”

The fridge looks plucked from the set of “Law & Order: SVU.” At 8 feet tall and 6 feet wide, it could fit nearly 2,000 12-ounce cans of beer. . . .

“Every once in a while, we get an unusual item — and this would be that,” said spokeswoman Heather Groll.

 

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“You don’t get to vote on what is. Have you noticed?”
 ~ Byron Katie

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you’ll surely want to know . . .

“An American Airlines jet headed to Kennedy Airport from LA was forced to make an emergency landing in Kansas City after a woman refused to stop belting out Whitney Houston’s “I will always love you.”  
ny post

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Bill and Hillary Clinton will not support Anthony Weiner in his dream of becoming mayor even though they love his wife, Huma Abedin, sources say. “The Clintons wish Weiner would just disappear. Every time he pops up, it’s a reminder of Bill’s scandal withMonica Lewinsky, and it isn’t helpful to Hillary’s hopes for 2016”
ny post

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Over the weekend, Lohan was apparently stir crazy because doctors at Betty Ford took away her prescription Adderall which she takes for her ADHD
ny post

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He’s a real button-pusher!

A booze-chugging bum keeps pressing an emergency “call-box” button in Tribeca — forcing firefighters to rush to the scene because he simply wants a comfy spot to sleep off his hangover, FDNY sources said.

Orlando Kerton, 60, has activated a red “fire” button at Walker and Lafayette streets in Manhattan 30 times in the past two months, requesting to be chauffeured to a hospital bed, FDNY sources said.
ny post

and here is a very cool story – not from the post!

Ice wave comes ashore in Minnesota
– watch video!

 

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.
 ~ Martin Luther King, Jr. 

why the ny post is important

i often tell myself that the news is simply a waste of time, but then something happens and i just can’t help taking a peek at the front page of the ny post. here are some of today’s important events:

ny post exclusive! 

A Port Authority security contractor whose job is to look out for possible suicides and terror attacks on the George Washington Bridge was busted for smoking weed on the job this afternoon, law-enforcement sources told The Post.

A PAPD cop on patrol noticed an overpowering smell of weed when he popped in on the guard at the south tower security booth around 1:45 p.m.

When he asked the guard about the stench, Sami Omar, 26, of North Bergen, he initially denied it, then said “I think it’s a passing skunk,” a source said.

and you’ll also want to know about this:

A Michigan medical marijuana facility is partnering with a member of the Grammy-winning rap group Bone Thugs-N-Harmony to cultivate and distribute a new strain of medical marijuana.

The Green Oasis and Stanley “Flesh-N-Bone” Howse have agreed to work together on “Phifty Caliber Kush,” which they say has a noticeable floral taste and is an effective pain reliever.

The Flint-area dispensary’s owner, Anthony Butler, calls the new pot strain “the best of the best.”

and finally, here’s some completely unrelated but also important news:

The corrections officer impregnated behind bars by convicted cop killer Ronell Wilson was excused from a court date this morning because she is having contractions, her lawyer said.

Nancy Gonzalez, 29, of Huntington Station, is hours away from giving birth to a boy and is awaiting transfer to a local hospital, her attorney Anthony Ricco told the court.

Gonzalez said she agreed to carry Wilson’s child to give the killer something to look forward to in his life despite facing life in prison.

“The important thing is not to stop questioning.”
 ~ Albert Einstein

like a horrible day-mare, batman!

it’s no surprise when the n.y. post prints shocking news, but reading this was a surprising shock for me:

The meteor — estimated to be about 10 tons — entered the Earth’s atmosphere at a hypersonic speed of at least 54,000 kph (33,000 mph) and shattered into pieces about 30-50 kilometers (18-32 miles) above the ground, the Russian Academy of Sciences said in a statement.  story

oy vey!  seriously, who could have known?  the only thing more surprising was that the meteorite didn’t land on east 52nd street.

lets all take a moment to say a prayer for these people –

namaste.

“Zen Buddhism is a discipline where belief isn’t necessary. ”
~ David  Sylvian 

tornado in brooklyn . . . seriously!

Now that’s a Brooklyn Cyclone!

At least one massive tornado was photographed off the beach at Coney Island and the Rockaways this morning, as beachgoers deserted the area.  story

 

today’s bonus!  for your entertainment, here’s another awesome documentary to watch next time you don’t want to settle for the crap on tv: the sound of mumbai – it’s really worth watching – enjoy!

“So far as I am able to judge, nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.”
 ~ Mark Twain

try not to laugh

i saw this story in the post yesterday and it made me laugh so hard i think i read it 3 times.  i guess the post peeps liked it too because they ran it again today.

An elderly parishioner’s attempt to touch up this cherished but deteriorating Spanish church fresco has turned Jesus into a cartoon figure.

The unidentified woman, in her 80s, was upset at the damage that moisture was wreaking on the 19th century fresco in the Sanctuary of Mercy Church near Zaragoza.

Without authorization, the devoted woman scraped away some of the paint, leaving white marks on the wall.

Then she took out a paintbrush and replaced the strokes of artist Elias Garcia Martinez with her own, Spanish media reported.

When she realized how badly it had turned out, she contacted the city’s culture councilor, Juan Maria Ojeda.

“I think she had good intentions,” Ojeda was quoted as saying.

As it turns out, the woman’s efforts weren’t even necessary. An organization that restores Spanish artwork, El Centro de Estudios Borjanos, had just received a donation from Martinez’s granddaughter to repair the damage done by the moisture.

Ojeda said art experts are trying to determine whether the woman’s work can be undone.

“If we can’t fix it, we will probably cover the wall with a photo of the painting,” he said

[after the touch up] 

“In art the hand can never execute anything higher than the heart can inspire”
 Ralph Waldo Emerson 

free vibrators! ooops . . . never mind

another example of why watching television in unnecessary when you live in the city (especially when you only have channels 2 through 13, minus channel 12).
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who would argue that this ny post article isn’t as good as any seinfeld episode?

City officials pull the plug on vibrator giveaway, leaving thousands dissatisfied

By AMBER SUTHERLAND, JENNIFER BAIN and TODD VENEZIA

 Last Updated: 6:18 AM, August 9, 2012

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They must have rubbed Mayor Bloomberg the wrong way.

City officials pulled the plug on a vibrator giveaway by the Trojan condom company yesterday, disappointing potentially thousands of pleasure-seeking women who hoped to get their hands on some no-cost sex toys.

“I’m 57 years old. I should be able to get a vibrator!” declared Linda Postell, who was among hundreds of women (and men!) waiting in the heat on Pearl Street only to be left unsatisfied. “I have a problem with the smoking ban, and the soda ban — and now this!”

Trojan sent tingles of excitement across the city when it announced the giveaway of some 10,000 vibrating sex toys from hot-dog-style pushcarts.

PHOTOS: PLEASURE SEEKERS TOLD TO BUZZ OFF

But instead of climaxing in a successful giveaway, the promotion was prematurely interrupted by City Hall, which sent a dark-suited representative to put the squeeze on Trojan’s “Pleasure Carts.”

“Bloomberg doesn’t want anyone to have fun. You can’t have a giant soda. You can’t have a vibrator.”

photo: Dan Brinzac

full article.

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“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”
 ~ Dr. Seuss

never in wisconsin!

often what happens in ny can really only happen in ny.  take, for instance the story in today’s ny post.  there’s a trial going on to decide the fate on robert morales.  rob shot his parole officer & now he’s on trial for attempted murder. one of the juors on rob’s trial, juror #6, is an aspiring actor who recently applied to audition for a part on one of only 3 shows i watch; law & order.  i love that show.

luckily, today juror #6 got a call back for the audition.  yay, juror #6! he told brooklyn supreme court judge wayne ozzi and asked if he could go. the judge said yes.

according to the post,”

Ozzi delayed opening statements until later this afternoon and told the juror, “Good luck. We’ll be looking for you on TV.”

The juror will return after his audition to decide the fate of Robert “Poison” Morales, who is charged with shooting his parole officer at the officer’s downtown Brooklyn office.

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and for more important news, tanorexic, patricia krentcil, toned down her tan to prove she’s not an addict.  see the ny post for details!

 

wishing a fabulous weekend to all!

😉

“This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.”
 ~ Plato

the diaper bomber!

sometimes i want to work for the ny post just to know the writers –  that would have to be a fun job . . .

What is she, the diaper bomber?

“This adorable, chubby-cheeked New Jersey tot was pulled from a JetBlue flight because her name popped up on the federal no-fly list — normally intended for al Qaeda thugs and other terror suspects. The parents of 18-month-old Riyanna, who are of Middle Eastern descent but were born in the United States, said they were humiliated at the Fort Lauderdale, Fla., airport when they were told to get off the Newark-bound plane so TSA agents could chat with them about their curly-haired cutie.”  article

“Riyanna is a JetBlue frequent flier.”

“Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”
 – Gertrude Stein

good to know

just in case you don’t get the time to read today’s ny post, i will fill you in on all the important stuff so that you don’t have to feel like you don’t know what’s going on . . .

first, john edwards.  the 2x presidential candidate who used campaign contributions to keep his baby mama quiet while his wife was dying of cancer is back on the front page.  that’s not news.  the news is, according to the post, that $750,000 of the money he used to support his baby mama came from 101 year old heiress, rachel mellon who, according to her interior decorator, was madly in love with john.  not sure how she feels about him now but i will continue checking the post for details and be sure to pass along.

my favorite current drama is the 44 year old woman who has been accused of taking her 5 year old daughter into a tanning booth.  i don’t know if that’s really the case or not, but the fact remains, this woman is 44 years old!

the post reports patricia krentcil stated, “she’s an excellent mother and the victim of “fat and ugly” critics who are “jealous’’ of her beautiful bronzed body.”

and for more important news, be very careful when walking today.  apparently, “Roving gangs of thieves are stealing manhole covers from the streets of Brooklyn, Queens and The Bronx — prying up the 320-pound, cast-iron lids and hauling them off to scrap yards. . . Stealing them creates a hazard to motorists and pedestrians.”

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.”
– William James

Follow @zen_city
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johnnie has an iphone!

i love when the media puts a “good news” story in the headlines and this is a good story.  thank you, peeps at the post, this is the kind of news i like to read about!

this is johnnie:

he’s 92 &  he’s adorable. johnnie has been driving a cab since franklin roosevelt  was president and he loves his job! 

“Spider — nicknamed after a model of the Harley Davidson he used to ride as a member of a Harlem motorcycle club — mixes the old (he wears a tie every day) with the new (an iPhone in a worn leather case dangles from his neck).

And he has no plan to take his foot off the gas any time soon — his hack license, No. 016337, doesn’t expire until 2014. . .

“I drive more slowly now,” he admitted. “I don’t pass anybody, hardly.”

“He goes about 12 miles per hour,” noted depot co-owner Stan Wissak.

But what if an important passenger is in a rush?

“I tell them they need a faster cabby — this one’s too slow,” Footman said. “I do things my way.”

cheers to you, johnnie!  wishing you many more happy years ahead. 

“The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm.”
 ~ H.W. Arnold

 

that stinks!

Plane poop hits LI couple
Now that’s a crappy day.

“Some black liquid came off her face,” Hughes, of Malverne, told WINS radio. “I thought it was hydraulic fluid and then the policeman came down and said, ‘No I don’t think so. Looks like something nastier than that.’
story:  Feb. 28, 2012

gotta love the post!
have a mindful day!   🙂

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“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”
~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

saved by the breasts!

here is  the story  straight from the post.

i have no comment.

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“We’re all worms, but I do believe I’m a glowworm.”
 – Robin Williams

what a relief!

Feds drop charges against Osama bin Laden

You can’t try a dead terrorist.

A judge today signed off on the feds’ decision to drop hundreds of criminal charges against Osama bin Laden, more than six weeks after heroic Navy Seals killed the murderous al Qaeda leader inside his hideout in Pakistan.  story

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“It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.”
– Mark Twain